Alternative blackness -part 3!

 So, one day back in the 90s, I happen to overhear a conversation going on with my youngest sister and her friends, and one of them( if I'm remembering correctly), mentioned a scene in a tv show where someone was telling another character- "I love you"and one of her other friends then said, "That's white people stuff"..... Typical!

Oh really, so ONLY white people are capable of feeling or expressing LOVE?! We(black people) are above such concepts as romantic love... funny how we have no problem with LUST! I guess that's one of those things that WE are supposed to think is "corny", see my earlier posts where I talk about the "community's" use of that stupid word.

I'm reminded of that scene in New Jack City where Nino Brown's main girlfriend is basically pouring her heart to him and his response is something about how what she is expressing is "soap opera shit", which is just another way of calling her corny....

Are we that fucked up as a people that we think expressing loving sentiments to each other is "corny" or white? Funny how our men have no problem screwing as many women as possible, but aren't capable of showing warmth or tenderness to even one of them. 

"My people" also have no problem laughing at each other. 

In another words, my people SUCK!

Edited 4/10/25- I was reminded the other day of the STUPIDITY of the community's treatment of Whitney Houston in the late 80s or whatever- being booed at the Soul Train awards and that fool, Al Sharpton and his so-called boycott, calling her "Whitey" instead of Whitney- her music may not have been as funky as it could have been( you can thank that piece of shit Clive Davis for that) but that doesn't mean it was "white" or that she was a sellout. I liked Where Do Broken Hearts Go. 

See how WE are? 

"Your own people hurt you more"Jimi Hendrix

Edited 5/16/25- Watch this video and pay particular attention to the part where she talks about the "love" scene between Annie and Smoke- at 7:28 .... "And just hitting it from the back INSTEAD of making love"  "normal in the black community".....

I didn't see the movie but when she talked about THAT scene and how it was typical of how black men tend to be unloving with black women, I was reminded of what inspired the first paragraph of this post.

The REAL me....

These outfits( not the boots) 

These women are models. When I say, the "real me" , I'm talking about what styles and colors I'm attracted to!

Not repeating this cycle!

On October 17, my mother said to me-" I don't care about your mental health!" 

She FINALLY admitted it. 

Has she ever? 

I am a broken child inside an adult body with grey hair......

I confronted her about what she said, another day and she did what she always does- deny that she said it, I used to contemplate the idea of carrying around a tape recorder to provide evidence of the things she says... 

All these years I was ALWAYS on her side, whenever she and my grandmother ( her mother) would get into it, but I should've figured it out, there are no sides, cause they're both the same, she treated my mom like crap, & my mom does the same to me. 

I still feel sorry for my mom because of the way Nana treated her, her whole life, but maybe I shouldn't.

The Deele- Suspicious

 Very Princely.. 

The teachers weren't shit, either....

 NONE of the teachers ever bothered to notice that I was a sad, withdrawn, and lost little girl....

Or they just didn't care.

For some reason I'm not worth caring about....

I need to remember this:

 

Watch this:

I'm not Hispanic and I never watched Encanto but I can relate!

Red Hot Chili Peppers- Californication

 The lyrics though....

Yes!

 " I'm a guitar freak. I love me some rock-n-roll guitar" 

Chaka Khan

And speaking of guitars:

ANOTHER video I can relate to:

"I start shaking, I get night sweats, I start having panic attacks, it affects me to the point where I can't even mentally focus" - that quote was from one of the people in this video.

ALL of those things pertain to me! Thank you, so-called FAMILY!

I don't believe in HEALING! Talking to some therapist or doing yoga( gag me with a spoon) isn't going to make it away. I'm always going to be broken.....

When will I get it through my head, that NO ONE in this family gives a damn about me!

When I was a child, I was crying alone but nobody cared....

Alternative blackness part 2!

 Most people in the black "community" BULLY each other, it's always something....

HopeLESS!

 I was bullied by my family and the kids at school, and in the neighborhood.... nobody came to my rescue.

And no one ever will.....

I DEFINITELY identified with these youtube comments that I read, made by a couple of people:

"As a child, my interactions with adults only occurred when they had to scold me, yell at me, and make fun of me."

(Sometimes they would ask me what do I want to eat or what do I want for Christmas, etc., but for the most part, I can still relate to the above statement)

"I have never had deep or long-lasting relationships and I am wary of every kind gesture. People disgust me. I am a human being ruined by evil imbeciles."

"My childhood was filled with neglect, emotional abuse. I'm filled with quiet rage most of the time, like literally hating everyone and everything."

"I go to bed every night hoping I don't wake up and that I can stay in the land of escapism."

Flora Purim - That's What She Said

 What you know about this?

Alternative blackness..

 People like to say "Black people are NOT a monolith".... but there are things that TOO MANY people in the "black community" do that get on my last nerve, and the last thing  I wanna do is fit in! 

For instance, I almost watched some youtube rant video about the tv show, Insecure- which I never watched, I decided to read some of the comments and someone mentioned Awkward Black Girl, never watched that either, then some knucklehead responded and mentioned some nonsense about how ALL ADOS girls he grew up with were among other things- confident, funny, and could dress. Okay, what the HELL is "could dress" -see, that's the kind of crap I'm talking about, all of us don't dress the same(thank goodness) and those girls were probably always messing with somebody to destroy THEIR confidence. 

And another thing that I can't stand about my damn community is this constant multi-generational urge to call others corny. Last week, I was reading comments on a video that I don't wanna get into, but anyway some waste of space wrote that Michael Jackson got corny by the time the Pepsi commercial came out and that "we", the community were all laughing at his hair being burned. What kind of sadistic scum laughs at that?

And Michael Jackson or Prince, for that matter were NEVER corny, they were a lot more interesting and intelligent than most brothers I run into. Seems like to me, the people who usually get called corny are the ones who have the balls to be DIFFERENT.... sometimes things like love & romance & making the world a better place get called corny by the community.

Forget "decentering men" how about decentering the community!

Exactly....

 

Underrated Chaka Khan jam....

 

More of me - part 2

 

WOW!

 

Sounds like my mother...

 

More of me ...

Imagine people (especially FAMILY) making your life such a living hell, you have to ESCAPE to a fantasy world.... Well, that's my existence.

My mother is becoming more and more like her damn mother lately, she's even starting to look like her.... And just like her, she LOVES The Price Is Right, I HATE that show!

Here's another video from that channel that I can identify with:

I was watching another video the other day about men not valuing vulnerability in their romantic relationships because they were more likely to be emotionally neglected by their parents and then have disassociate identity disorder or whatever while women were more likely to grow up in emotionally healthy environments and more likely to have received affection from their female relatives and got "emotional nurturing and soothing" from their mother, sisters, aunties. 

Huh?

I must be a man then, LOL!

It's nonsense because neither my mother or any other of the women in my so-called family were ever emotionally nurturing or soothing to me... which is why I'm MENTALLY ILL!

 And I'm not gonna feel guilty for not wanting to help take care of my mother in her old age, even with all of her issues, when she has NEVER been the kind of mother I needed, NEVER will acknowledge the emotional neglect & sometimes emotional abuse, never apologizes and most of my life acts like she can't stand me! Won't feel guilty or FORGIVE when she always makes me feel like I DON'T MATTER.

Her latest issues are just another excuse not to give a damn about me, and no matter how bad she's feeling, it doesn't stop her from starting shit with me.. 

EVERYONE NEEDS to watch this....

 It's about the Columbia Records study (the Harvard Report) and music's healing powers.

I don't know who she is, but I wanna look like her, when I "grow up"

Maybe not the nose rings though...

👇

https://pin.it/7cSbPBB7T 

A thought..

 Growing up without a lot of friends might just have been a blessing, what if I was talked into going to and participating in some VILE mess like Freaknik....

Bullied by EVERYONE!

 Damn right, THEY (my family) don't respect me, don't VALUE, like or care about me!

I don't know why I expected comfort from family, when they never liked me either....

"The child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth" African proverb 

I'm DONE!

 This quote is paraphrased from a video that I can't share for some damn reason, inspired by Monique's crappy treatment of her son or rather, the son's tiktok venting about her....

"In black families, the children don't have a voice. Even after you become an adult, your parents think they should be able to do or say whatever, and you should be able to just take it on the chin. We should just be seen and not heard, even as freakin adults!"

In our so-called community, most parents/grandparents/aunties think they shouldn't have to be ACCOUNTABLE for the damage they caused.... so fuck the black family!

A Major Myth About Psychological Trauma -- Thoughts of a Former Therapist

The Weird Girl Trope, Explained

Probably....

I do remember that somewhere between the ages of ages of 5-8, I used to ESCAPE to my own little pretend world while pacing back & forth, apparently my imagination or whatever stopped working, when I sat down.

Pretty sure, this started AFTER the incident of my father leaving me alone in the car....

90s rock is special.....

"Under the bridge/downtown/Is where I drew some blood"

The New birth - Wildflower [Soul Train]

Why do I identify with these lyrics?

The Lone Wolf [ A product of a Narcissistic Home ]

SIGNS YOUR MOTHER IS TOXIC + what to do

Another one of my favorite Kate Bush songs ...

The majestic Top Of The City from the underrated album- The Red Shoes

"I don't know if I'm closer to heaven but/It looks like hell down there"

"I don't know if you'll love me for it/But I don't think we should suffer this" 

 

"Look I'm here with the ladder"

Safety ONLY in solitude!

 Unfortunately, I think this video is more about Narcisstic Abuse caused by romantic partners instead of parents/families(speaking of past traumas)

And so many people are FORCED by live with other people, so their "home" isn't the refuge they need, and they don't get any PEACE!

Victims of psychological abuse NEED to be in solitude to make their home a mini-oasis to cope with overwhelming CPTSD.

"Life is so full of suffering and torment and so little to make up for it.... that I wanted at last to be at rest." Dostoyevsky

"This is the worst in the black community. We grow up being disrespected by our parents, uncles, aunties, or whatever and are expected to take it because, they are older. I'm grown now, you won't be talking to me crazy no more." From a youtube comment I read on another video.... sounds like something I should have wrote!