SIGNS YOUR MOTHER IS TOXIC + what to do

Another one of my favorite Kate Bush songs ...

The majestic Top Of The City from the underrated album- The Red Shoes

"I don't know if I'm closer to heaven but/It looks like hell down there"

"I don't know if you'll love me for it/But I don't think we should suffer this" 

 

"Look I'm here with the ladder"

Safety ONLY in solitude!

 Unfortunately, I think this video is more about Narcisstic Abuse caused by romantic partners instead of parents/families(speaking of past traumas)

And so many people are FORCED by live with other people, so their "home" isn't the refuge they need, and they don't get any PEACE!

Victims of psychological abuse NEED to be in solitude to make their home a mini-oasis to cope with overwhelming CPTSD.

"Life is so full of suffering and torment and so little to make up for it.... that I wanted at last to be at rest." Dostoyevsky

"This is the worst in the black community. We grow up being disrespected by our parents, uncles, aunties, or whatever and are expected to take it because, they are older. I'm grown now, you won't be talking to me crazy no more." From a youtube comment I read on another video.... sounds like something I should have wrote!

Defeated.

 I remember the day before my cat died, I came downstairs and saw her sitting on the couch with blood pouring out of her beautiful eyes and looking at me with an expression of despair- probably because certain people were walking past her & NOT BOTHERING TO NOTICE her condition.... 

Sounds like my WHOLE life, except for the blood. NO ONE noticed MY DESPAIR.....

Bam Bam - featuring the GODMOTHER of grunge Tina Bell

 

Right again....

HELLO! I have CPTSD/Childhood Trauma & I don't feel like SUPPRESSING my anger and putting on a FAKE smile to impress simple-minded people, so they won't call me an "angry black woman".

EDITED 12/26/23- FINALLY, confronted the nefarious, empty-headed snake, my so-called Aunt Margie- about certain things she's been doing the past 8 years and not only did she LIE about EVERYTHING (GASLIGHTING), my mother sat there basically calling me a liar, not taking my side at all, as usual...... 

It's like they were a tag team! (Reminds me of some of those recurring dreams I have) And this proves why standing up for myself doesn't work, cause I knew my mother wouldn't have my back, when the moment finally happened. And then snake Margie had the nerve to come at me for yelling, they're basically proving they don't care about my mental health and telling me to stop yelling, but its ok for them to YELL AT ME! It's perfectly ok for me to be bottling up anger/rage for DECADES- anger caused by these people, but I better not yell at them, even though they won't change or admit they did anything to me. 

Less than 24 hours after my mother said to me- OH POOR YOU!- she says "You're not gonna make me feel guilty".... she should feel guilty telling someone who you know has anxiety/anger issues, "OH POOR YOU"

"In spite of my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage"

I have no idea of what that Smashing Pumpkins song is about😁

But the world is a vampire!

Anyway, black women aren't allowed to have childhood trauma/ CPTSD - because we will DEFINITELY have ANGER ISSUES, and all people will see is "the angry black woman".... and there will be NO empathy for whatever we have or are going through. No compassion or support.

We get accused of being angry even when we're not, we have to walk around like a smiley faced fool ALL THE TIME!

  

Too many things on this list apply to me, I think...

https://pin.it/3PkIWz0 

Angela Bofill on Johnny Carson.

 Hauntingly beautiful performance...