Not repeating this cycle!

On October 17, my mother said to me-" I don't care about your mental health!" 

She FINALLY admitted it. 

Has she ever? 

I am a broken child inside an adult body with grey hair......

I confronted her about what she said, another day and she did what she always does- deny that she said it, I used to contemplate the idea of carrying around a tape recorder to provide evidence of the things she says... 

All these years I was ALWAYS on her side, whenever she and my grandmother ( her mother) would get into it, but I should've figured it out, there are no sides, cause they're both the same, she treated my mom like crap, & my mom does the same to me. 

I still feel sorry for my mom because of the way Nana treated her, her whole life, but maybe I shouldn't.

The Deele- Suspicious

 Very Princely.. 

The teachers weren't shit, either....

 NONE of the teachers ever bothered to notice that I was a sad, withdrawn, and lost little girl....

Or they just didn't care.

For some reason I'm not worth caring about....

I need to remember this:

 

Watch this:

I'm not Hispanic and I never watched Encanto but I can relate!

Red Hot Chili Peppers- Californication

 The lyrics though....

Yes!

 " I'm a guitar freak. I love me some rock-n-roll guitar" 

Chaka Khan

And speaking of guitars:

ANOTHER video I can relate to:

"I start shaking, I get night sweats, I start having panic attacks, it affects me to the point where I can't even mentally focus" - that quote was from one of the people in this video.

ALL of those things pertain to me! Thank you, so-called FAMILY!

I don't believe in HEALING! Talking to some therapist or doing yoga( gag me with a spoon) isn't going to make it away. I'm always going to be broken.....

When will I get it through my head, that NO ONE in this family gives a damn about me!

When I was a child, I was crying alone but nobody cared....

Alternative blackness part 2!

 Most people in the black "community" BULLY each other, it's always something....