The only Christmas song I can stand...

Haven't officially had a panic attack- yet......

Paranoia.....

 

Crying my eyes out. Severe anxiety. Am I a ticking time bomb? Tearful rage while at the computer. My chest felt tight as I banged the keys. Family working my nerves from every angle. I suppress my true feelings. Tormented mind. I've been getting tension headaches for years, and now I'm having pain in my shoulders.  I think there's a mental blockage that always keep me from saying more......

Physically absent father/emotionally absent mother (& extended family on my mother's side), don't know my father's side, as well (didn't have to live with them) although I heard some things about my grandmother on my father's side that make her sound pretty toxic.


https://amotherfarfromhome.com/present-but-absent-parent/












Not one of you could be there for me when I needed you, & I can't count on you to help me feel better, but you can make plenty of snarky comments.

Free myself from toxic family!

Have to get away from these people. Surrounded by ignorant, inconsiderate people. So-called extended family have caused as much damage as parents, for decades. Affecting my mental & physical well-being- can't focus, non-existent short term memory, bad dreams(usually starring family members & I wake up, practically in tears) - diagnosed with anxiety disorder.








Toxic... like aunt Margie who tells LIES about me....  THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS ALL MY LIFE (well, since I was 10)- the same aunt who laughed when I mentioned, as a kid, that I wanted to be a singer or actor or whatever, the same aunt who loved to look in my drawers, closet, storage bins when I wasn't in my room, even messing with the trash to see what I threw in there. And, for some reason, when I was growing up, her favorite words about me, in such a venomous & hateful tone (imagine having a hateful tone about a child, who is your blood) were - "She ain't doing nothing"- never saying that about any of the other kids in the house. (She always has a venomous tone when talking about me)




Not to mention, her evil eyes watching me all the time, staring at me.....  
And her vile daughter(& husband) and vile grandson (& baby mama) with their malicious words/lies & interloping ways....






I hope she reads these things I'm writing about her ... not that the guttersnipe knows what the word venomous means...




Edited 2/13/19-And this she-devil, sewing-machine snake had the nerve to scold me, about the way I take the baked mac & cheese out of the pan when I'm fixing my plate, like I'm a damn kid..... she thinks she has the right to talk to me any ole kind of way, she would never talk to anyone else in the family like that, not her daughter, her grandson, or his baby mama but as usual, she talks to me like a dog, just like she did when I was a kid. What right does she have to be angry at me ever....the way she has treated me, I should be yelling at her, & talking to her with disrespect & contempt. She deserves it, she should've been watching her back, not tempting me to finally stand up to her or worse.
If you're reading this, I HATE YOU, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!

Kill The Messenger....DAMNIT!!!!

Whatever you do, watch Kill The Messenger or even better- read the book!






RIP Gary Webb...








Edited 1/23/18- Meanwhile, some movie glorifying The Washington Post is constantly being promoted on tv and just got nominated for a best picture Oscar..... of course, this is the same so-called newspaper that helped destroy Gary Webb's career......I don't remember Kill The Messenger getting nominated for best picture... FUCK The Washington Post!

FUNKY PLAYLIST!!!

https://open.spotify.com/user/topofthecity/playlist/7CgQyBdhLDsz9epofqP1Wj






EnJOY!








The Brothers Johnson, James Brown, Slave, Cameo, Ohio Players, etc.

And when you click on that link, you can scroll down for more of my playlists.

Madhouse Four

Prince & Eric Leeds.... YES!

Prince - Glam Slam (Official Music Video)

Sorry, don't feel like waiting til April.... always loved this video...sorta forgot about it, doesn't get shown much....




Love Cat Glovers' choreography.  Enjoyed her dancing more than any other Prince dancer.

I want my headphones to leak sound!!!!!!

So, let me get this straight, I have to put up with barking dogs, ambulance sirens, people talking loud & saying nothing, & of course, people driving past me or my house blasting their trap "music" or whatever, & that's all ok... BUT if you can hear the music coming from my headphones, (which I just found out is called -sound leakage or some nonsense) then somehow, I'm disturbing people or I'm the scum of the earth or something?   Gimme a break!


Besides, I want people to hear what I listen to..... the other day, I walked & listened to Get On The Good Foot by James Brown over & over, & had such pride about my good taste in music, & I wanted the fools around me to know that I'm NOT listening to what most people listen to these days.






On the other hand, I doubt you can  REALLY hear my music if there is alot of traffic, when you walk past me... cars are louder than anybody's headphones!

So, I guess Meathead really is a Meathead!

And Hilary's husband helped destroy Yugoslavia's democracy.... HYPOCRITE to the extreme!






If you THINK about it, Hollywood has ALWAYS been anti-Russian...... how many damn tv crime dramas have to have some storyline about the "Russian mob"? !


And don't even get me started on the Law & Order: SVU episode depicting all Russian women as heartless golddiggers.




And let's not forget about Rocky IV!